I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
