imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
