oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize