Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
