I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
