Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
