mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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