It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't deserve a penis
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize