my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
