Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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