Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What a dumb baby whore.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
