I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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