His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
