i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
