i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
