i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
