Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
