so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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