Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
