I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
