If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
