"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize