Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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