My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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