We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
