i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
