M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
