i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
