I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
