Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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