this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think i got beer on your cat.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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