fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
