we have pet lesbian snakes
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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