my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i barfeds in our rink
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
