glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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