I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
