She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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