Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
