I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
