I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
