Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
