thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
