I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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