i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
