I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize