I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
