We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
