I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
