I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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