remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize