I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just high enough for therapy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
