is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
