im about as happy as oj after his trial
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize