somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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