the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
