What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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