She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize