Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There r osticjed everywhere
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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