but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
