Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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