he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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