dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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