this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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