Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
