I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
