i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
