Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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