keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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