so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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