i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
