I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
