how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
