My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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