I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
