I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
