matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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