are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
