she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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