I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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