There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
