It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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