We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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