Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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