Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
