I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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