I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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