I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
two words...techno handjob
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
