from now on my penis is your penis
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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