i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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