The maid of honor just puked.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
