girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
is this the sara with the beer cane?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
