I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
