yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
