Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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