he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
