From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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