i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
