Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
