I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
