Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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