The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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