we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
