Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
