Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
