In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
