im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
