So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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