How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
